My First (Tinder) Date

My heart beat faster than usual as I walked towards the white lights of a black car. I was shaking, not out of fear but because I had not yet acclimatized myself to the frosty winds of a foreign land. That said, I was scared. Not in the usual butterfly way, but in a much more familiar way. A flood of headlines, names, faces, and a heartbreaking national crisis of GBV filled my mind and made every step heavier. I opened the door, smiled and quickly locked the thoughts outside.

A gentleman with enchanting eyes smiled back at me. He told me his name, which I already knew. I leaned in for a hug and he went in for a kiss, which felt forward but I think it is a cultural difference. I enjoyed the initial awkwardness of our greeting. His profile gave me enough information for us to have a lot to chat about for the rest of the evening: he is a 32 year old post-grad med student at the same university as me. Our initial conversations indicated that he is Irish-Libyan, he enjoys travel, exercise and going to pubs with friends.

I told him that my close friend is tracking my live location and he did not understand why. There was something comforting about being with someone who would never understand your paranoia.

We made sufficient small talk as he drove to Flash Harry’s, a pub relatively close to my residence in Blackrock, Dublin. He parked close enough to the entrance for me to subtly leave my scarf in his car.

I noticed that he was tall and handsome, and I liked looking at him. We went straight to the bar. I ordered a gin and tonic and he ordered a beer. I think he made mine a double, which made me suspicious for a couple of seconds. We went outside because he wanted to play pool, but thankfully both of the tables were full. So, we went and sat in one of the booths. He sat next to me and put his black jacket on the other side.

I got a good overview of the superficial information that people seek to learn about one another upon initial greeting. I liked his Irish accent and the way that his eyes lit up when he spoke about his passion, medicine. I also liked his attentiveness but I held back on sharing a lot of information about myself.

I have always been in my own world. I did not think he would understand my love for piano, recent performance arts experience, my devotion to natures' ungovernable elements, fears of inadequacy, the complexities of finding identity as a chameleon constantly on the move. I was not sure that he would grasp how I want to discover everything and anything that is left of magic and mystery in this life. The hedonist in me paradoxically also seeks stability, comfort and a home build so firmly that no secrets can seep through.

Anyway, he left to the bathroom and I feared that he was coming up with an excuse to leave. It all seemed too good to be true. When he returned to sit with me I thought to myself, God he is beautiful (but don't get ahead of yourself)!

Unfortunately, the pool tables opened up. My sarcasm was too subtle for him to pick up that I was actually really bad at playing pool when he had asked me if I was any good. We played and (surprise, surprise) I lost, but I felt chemistry between us for the first time. I noticed how his maroon shirt was a perfect fit, I think he saw me staring. "Aren't you going to your friend's party soon?" I asked. He cheekily responded, "Are you trying to get rid of me?" I giggled and told him that I most certainly was not.

He drove me back to my residence and being new to Ireland, I got the directions wrong and we ended up going around in circles. When we finally arrived and chatted in the car. He taught me some Irish phrases, and then he leaned in and kissed me. It was the perfect kiss. He asked to come upstairs to get a glass of water, to which I said yes.

It was a great experience to get to know a stranger, and I waited for his text the next morning which said what exactly what I was hoping it would, "I'd like to see you again."

Working in Virtual Teams

“Sorry, my connection is bad.”

“The meeting time is about to run out”.

“Your mic is on mute.”

We have all heard sentences like these during a virtual team meeting. It can be frustrating and communicating can be very difficult when everyone is in different parts of the world, and this is even more challenging when the levels of connectivity are different. Covid-19 has given us the challenge to work differently with people. It is teaching us new ways of connecting with people, whilst also maintaining a physical distance from them. Being at a university campus that is beautifully diverse, I have had to keep going with my Irish MSc degree from my home in Port Elizabeth. The time zone between South Africa and Ireland is only one hour, but my group assignments consist of team members who are based in India, China, Oman and more places. As a result, I have learnt some valuable lessons about how to work in virtual teams.

Start out with some fun

The experience of working in virtual teams can be super fun and establish a positive energy. Set up a fun icebreaker in the beginning of the meeting before getting into the thick of things. Asking each member to describe three things they are grateful for, or their favourite movies will spark a fun discussion and keep people engaged. It does not need to be a big game or take up too much time. Perhaps even asking people about the highlight of their week thus far is enough to create a positive atmosphere. Here are some examples of virtual ice-breakers which you can use in your next team meeting:

1. Share a family photo

2. Two truths and a lie

3. Show-and-tell

4. Emoji check-in

5. The best piece of advice you’ve received

Set Ground Rules

From the first meeting, it is important to establish how the team plans to communicate. For example, which platform will you use? How long will the meetings be? Should we use Whatsapp for quick messaging? Will cameras be on or off during meetings? Transparency from the beginning will ensure that all team members are comfortable with the way that the virtual meetings are conducted. I noticed that when my camera is off, I tend to pay less attention to the meeting. At some stage, I was listening to a lecture and watching a rugby game at the same time. Since this is not conducive to active engagement, I prefer to keep my video on.

Flexibility:

It is important to be able to adapt to changes. We are living through a pandemic at the moment! If a team meeting time needs to be changed because your team mate has an unforeseen commitment, try to show flexibility by adapting to the changes instead of complaining or being rigid.

The reality is, there will be some challenges that happen whilst working in virtual teams. The connection could fail. The project may not be taking shape in the way you expected. Some team members may be more committed than others. Whatever the issue may be, you need to adapt in order to bring out the best in the team and unlock potential output.

Take up the Challenge to be Tech Savvy

If there was ever a time to work on your tech-savviness, now is that time. Platforms to communicate virtually should be used with ease, and if you are struggling to use them, take up the challenge to learn. There are plenty of YouTube videos and articles which can explain any aspects that you do not understand. And, if you have friends or family around, try to get some guidance from them (especially the young ones!). You should become comfortable with presenting online and conveying information in effective ways to make the most out of the time you have with your virtual team.

Trust

Your team members probably have the same fears about working in a virtual team as you do. Remind yourself that although you are speaking to a screen, there are people on the other side. They also may be worried about their ability to use Zoom, the nightmare of a lawnmower starting as your about to give a presentation or leaving the camera on at the wrong time. The shift towards working online is likely to be as new to them as it is to you. You need to trust that your team is understanding and will give you the same compassion as you will hopefully give them.

In conclusion, I would like to share a story. When I was doing a sales internship, I asked someone who had been in the company for years what they look for in an employee. He picked up a pencil and said to me, “Look, when they want someone in this company, that person must be able to turn something as dull as this pencil into gold. And more importantly, you need to have the drive and vision to turn it into gold.” His words inspired me, not just in the role I was aiming for, but with everything I do. Now, take the virtual teamwork challenge, and use your drive to turn it into gold.

The Lord’s Prayer (Padre Nuestro)

The sun is glistening, as it does in Málaga. It is my last night in this majestic coastal town and I want time to slow down as much as possible. I want to hold on to the views, the mountains and the peace just a little bit longer. I put out my cigarette (I bought a pack for the aesthetic) and left the veranda of my apartment to go to the Catedral de la Encarnación de Málaga.

I took myself for a walk around the ancient buildings one more time and then went to the Cathedral of Málaga for the evening mass. I had walked past this Roman Catholic church many times before. There is something about it that makes me stop and stare every time. I did not want to go for a tour and have somebody explain everything about it to me. I wanted to feel it. I did not think that it needed to be explained, it just needed to be appreciated.

The cathedral was built between 1528 and 1782 near to the site of an early Almohad mosque and it was intended to have two towers. From the outside, the asymmetry may look unsettling to some people because only one tower was completed due to a lack of funds. However, I find that it gives the cathedral character and it is sometimes referred to as “La Manquita”, which means the one-armed woman.

I entered the evening Mass and I was taken aback by the beautiful Renaissance architectural interior. The marble floors, the choir stalls and their carvings are incredible. I grabbed a seat in the side chapel and noticed how the cathedral looks bigger on the inside than the outside. Then, the priest started speaking Spanish and I could not understand a word he was saying, yet at the same time I could understand everything. You see, I had gone to a Catholic junior school and I did not have a good experience there. The almost militant routine of daily prayers and the ritualistic Mass programmes put me off the church in its entirety. I never look back at my time in that school because it brings back memories of being an outcast, being forced into ‘faking’ belief and being trapped in a very conforming environment. I left that school relieved that I would not have to pretend to fit in somewhere that I did not belong ever again. As much as the memories of it hurt, it shaped me into the person I am today. It made me unapologetic about who I am and what I want. Often, we tend to only give credit to the positive journeys that shape us as people. However, there are also some unwelcoming experiences that put us to the challenge to be better.

I listened and focused for the first five minutes of the Mass. I could not understand the language, but something clicked. It was the same as my own experience. Every prayer and every response was the same. I started to respond to The Eucharistic Prayer, first in my head and then I started to whisper out loud. The language may have been different, but the message stayed the same. For the first time, I experienced Mass in a way that was so inspiring.

When it came to the Lord’s Prayer, the man standing next to me had noticed that I was praying the same prayer as him in English. In my 9 years at that school, I had not once said the prayer genuinely. I had said it because it is what was done. The prayer had been words we were forced to say every day. But choosing to be in a place is different to being forced to be there. The beauty and magic of the experience comes from the freedom of knowing that it was my decision to be here, in this moment. No one can take away that journey. I prayed with the gentleman to my right,

“Our Father, who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name;

thy kingdom come,

thy will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us;

and lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil.”

That was it. That was the moment that made journey as a solo traveller in Malaga worthwhile. It was not just the aesthetics of the place, or the fun activities and social interactions. It was learning that it is possible to have such contrasting feelings towards

the same words, responses and prayers. It is learning that being in a place by choice can be so much more meaningful than treating it as a routine or something to tick off a to-do list.

I do not know why I was drawn to the evening Mass at the Malaga Cathedral. I suppose that I was looking for some kind of journey that I did not know much about. I knew that I did not want a trip where I would go to a Cathedral and have a stranger explain to me what each pillar and design meant. I just wanted to find out for myself what this colossal building meant to me.

.