With a cheesy title and storyline that sounds overdone, I did not have high expectations for The Boy Downstairs. Starring Zosia Mamet (from Girls), this movie is about a young aspiring writer, Diana, who unintentionally moves into the same New York apartment block as her ex-boyfriend after she just finished her studies in London. The understated comedy element comes through in similar awkward moments to those you would find in Annie Hall. The set up seems like a cliché movie plot, but I found Diana to be one of the most relatable characters I have seen in a long time and I was pleasantly surprised with how the movie unfolded.
Diana is constantly questioning the decisions she made in the past, from her break up with the boy downstairs to the career path she chose. It oscillates back and forth between the time she was together with her boyfriend Ben, and the present awkward situation where they are living in the same apartment block, but he has a new girlfriend now. Those of us who have been in good relationships which ended will connect well with those painful flashbacks of happiness with our significant other, that ultimately make one question why it ended. I have also swayed between moments of certainty in my decision-making process, and then forgotten the rationality behind what I was so sure of before. It is a constant battle between the person I am now looking retrospectively, and the person who was actually in that situation at that time.
I have found that most movies tend to focus on the woman as being so sure about wanting to be in a relationship, but this one shows the ambivalence that a woman can have when it comes to commitment and settling into a long-term relationship, especially when she wants to explore the world and focus on her own development freely. Although Diana clearly loves Ben, she did not want to enter the chapter of her life in Europe with the distractions and commitment that comes with a long-distance relationship.
I won’t carry on spoiling the movie plot for you as this is not meant to be a review, but there was a powerful scene which unexpectedly led to a lot of reflection in my life. I paused the screen and found myself rewinding to listen and absorb what had just been said. Diana is discussing her fears and doubts of writing career with her landlady Amy, who is also a creative and becomes like a motherly figure to her. The conversation went something like this:
Diana: Yeah, but, uh, what if it doesn't work out? What if I'm not any good?
Amy: I know. But you can't not go for what you really want because you're scared of not getting it. And listen. Things might not work out. You might not succeed. You might get rejected. Those things might happen, or they might not. But they are things worth knowing. I know. You're trying to protect yourself but you're doing it to a fault, and I don't want you to regret not trying. Be brave.
I loved the part where she tells Diana to be brave. As a former actress with a lot of life experience, Amy was the perfect person to say that to Diana that at that stage in her life. The conversation could be put into a lot of different contexts, from love to careers to relocating abroad but no matter the context, it resonates with the uncertainties and fears that a lot of us in our twenties face.
Twentysomethings often feel like we are trying so hard to move forward but struggle to see the progress that we are already making. I think we were sold the idea that things are meant to suddenly fall into place in this linear progression of us studying, getting a job, getting married, having children and then living happily ever after. But life is so much more complex than that. We stumble, we fail, we succeed, then stumble again and we question whether we are doing the right thing. As we weave our way through uncertainty and self-doubt, this is all part of our journey and we grow through the challenges, with all the exciting fluctuations that we individually have the honour of living through.
The best we can do is be brave, accept ourselves as we change, and trust that wherever we are in life is where we are supposed to be. It may not be the best place, but it may provide the best lessons.
I came across this excerpt from a poem by Irish poet Derek Mahon, which relates to how I wish to view my journey:
The sun rises in spite of everything
and the far cities are beautiful and bright.
I lie here in a riot of sunlight
watching the day break and the clouds flying.
Everything is going to be all right.
(Derek Mahon).
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