My heart beat faster than usual as I walked towards the white lights of a black car. I was shaking, not out of fear but because I had not yet acclimatized myself to the frosty winds of a foreign land. That said, I was scared. Not in the usual butterfly way, but in a much more familiar way. A flood of headlines, names, faces, and a heartbreaking national crisis of GBV filled my mind and made every step heavier. I opened the door, smiled and quickly locked the thoughts outside.
A gentleman with enchanting eyes smiled back at me. He told me his name, which I already knew. I leaned in for a hug and he went in for a kiss, which felt forward but I think it is a cultural difference. I enjoyed the initial awkwardness of our greeting. His profile gave me enough information for us to have a lot to chat about for the rest of the evening: he is a 32 year old post-grad med student at the same university as me. Our initial conversations indicated that he is Irish-Libyan, he enjoys travel, exercise and going to pubs with friends.
I told him that my close friend is tracking my live location and he did not understand why. There was something comforting about being with someone who would never understand your paranoia.
We made sufficient small talk as he drove to Flash Harry’s, a pub relatively close to my residence in Blackrock, Dublin. He parked close enough to the entrance for me to subtly leave my scarf in his car.
I noticed that he was tall and handsome, and I liked looking at him. We went straight to the bar. I ordered a gin and tonic and he ordered a beer. I think he made mine a double, which made me suspicious for a couple of seconds. We went outside because he wanted to play pool, but thankfully both of the tables were full. So, we went and sat in one of the booths. He sat next to me and put his black jacket on the other side.
I got a good overview of the superficial information that people seek to learn about one another upon initial greeting. I liked his Irish accent and the way that his eyes lit up when he spoke about his passion, medicine. I also liked his attentiveness but I held back on sharing a lot of information about myself.
I have always been in my own world. I did not think he would understand my love for piano, recent performance arts experience, my devotion to natures' ungovernable elements, fears of inadequacy, the complexities of finding identity as a chameleon constantly on the move. I was not sure that he would grasp how I want to discover everything and anything that is left of magic and mystery in this life. The hedonist in me paradoxically also seeks stability, comfort and a home build so firmly that no secrets can seep through.
Anyway, he left to the bathroom and I feared that he was coming up with an excuse to leave. It all seemed too good to be true. When he returned to sit with me I thought to myself, God he is beautiful (but don't get ahead of yourself)!
Unfortunately, the pool tables opened up. My sarcasm was too subtle for him to pick up that I was actually really bad at playing pool when he had asked me if I was any good. We played and (surprise, surprise) I lost, but I felt chemistry between us for the first time. I noticed how his maroon shirt was a perfect fit, I think he saw me staring. "Aren't you going to your friend's party soon?" I asked. He cheekily responded, "Are you trying to get rid of me?" I giggled and told him that I most certainly was not.
He drove me back to my residence and being new to Ireland, I got the directions wrong and we ended up going around in circles. When we finally arrived and chatted in the car. He taught me some Irish phrases, and then he leaned in and kissed me. It was the perfect kiss. He asked to come upstairs to get a glass of water, to which I said yes.
It was a great experience to get to know a stranger, and I waited for his text the next morning which said what exactly what I was hoping it would, "I'd like to see you again."
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